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Halloween Horror Countdown 2009 Day 16 November 1, 2009

Posted by vorpalkeith in Film Thing.
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Teeth
2007
Directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein

This is a horror film where the monster is sex. Normally in horror films the monster shows up after the teenagers have sex.

Jess Weixler plays a teenage girl who, while in an attempted rape, discovers she has the mythical condition known as vagina dentata, a toothed vagina. I’ll let that sink in for a minute . . . . a toothed vagina, people!

This was a film that managed to make me genuinely uncomfortable in parts. Maybe it was all the onscreen severed penis. Yeeeeeeeeesh!

The movie would not have worked without Jess Weixler in the lead role. She manages a sincerity that helps make what could have made an incredibly silly and stupid movie actually work.

It’s hard to believe that she could have gotten all the way to high school without even the most basic of geinocological exams, but if you give into that kind of thinking the entire conceit of the movie falls apart.

I give it four spooky pumpkins out of five.

The Black Room
1935
Directed by Roy William Neill

Boris Karloff plays a deranged baron who murders his twin brother in an attempt to steal his identity. He is successful at first but is undone by his brother’s loyal dog.

Never screw with a man and his dog.

I give it one and a half spooky pumpkins out of five.

The Man They Could Not Hang
1939
Directed by Nick Grinde

In the second Boris Karloff film of the night he plays a Doctor who invents a mechanical heart which could lead to virtual immortality. While experimenting with it though he is interrupted and the patient dies on the table. He is arrested for murder and hung. Later, his assistant is able to revive him using the mechanized heart. Then the vengeful doctor goes on a spree of revenge.

The main strength of this film is Boris Karloff. The main weakness is its abrupt ending.

I give it two and a half spooky pumpkins out of five.

Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror

This was a DVD collecting a bunch of the random Simposons Halloween episodes and it represents many of the best, including The Shinning.

Don’t you all remember when the Simpsons was funny? These are nice memories.

“There’s nothing to fear but that fog that turns people inside out.”

I give it four and a half spooky pumpkins out of five.

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